Missed Calling – Part Duhh

March 17, 2011

“What the heck is up with this seat!?!” It’s pretty clear that airplanes are not designed for people, let alone a 6 ft 2 inch Mexican Jedi. Oh sure, there’s First Class, Business Class, Coach Class and Broke Folks Class. Now because I qualify for the “broke folks” section of the plane, I find meselfs sitting in a space that’s literally 2 feet by 2 feet. Ouch. Oh lady, please don’t recline- I beg you.  And the fact that they dub it “class” is somehow a smack in the face to society and their level of edjoomukation – think about it:

First Class – yeah, back in school you were head of the class; Business Class – well, you simply handled your business in school to maintain average grades and get a blue ribbon at graduation; Coach Class – you convinced yourself that “D’s” were passing and you gladly took the hit; Broke Folks Class – do the initials G.E.D. mean anything? I’m telling you  – Airlines is the Devil.

Think, too, of some of the names of Airlines themselves and the messages their sending right under our noses  – AA (American Airlines) – would you feel comfortable drinking on that flight?; Delta – what did that stand for back in the day “Don’t Ever Leave The Airport”; Continental – free breakfast at hotels; United – if we can fly, we can do anything; AirIran – really? Uh, did anybody watch Lost? I’m telling you, folks, it’s all subliminal. Oh, and recall my rant about feeling the gouge at the airport – well, planes are no different. $7 bucks for 6 ounces of beer – uh, let me think about that – Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Well, do I have any bright ideas or just wasted complaints? Bowf.

First, lose the whole “class” gentrification nonsense (wow, big word, no idea what it means but it sure sounds good) – if you want to stretch out your legs and eat tasty goodies, then cough up the cash; if you’re broke, shoot, we won’t hold it against you, your seat will automatically be 4 by 4 feet – and the beer will be a buck a pop – happy hour, every hour on my airlines! As for the food – fast, homie – you’ll be better off for it, fo’ sho’. Plus, we’d just complain about it anyway.

Wow, I just happened to look up and notice the old man standing in line for the baffroom and he has a whole stack of newspapers in hand – WELCOME TO THE BROKE FOLKS CLASS – matches not included.

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